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I don’t know if I should ask
I’ve been pondering how we got here.
My past passing through my eyes
Trying to piece back the memories.
When I asked how you felt, you said I already knew
But I wish you had told me instead.
When I said it’s you I want, you said I am not sure
When I asked why you pushing me away, you said it’s for my own good.
When will you realize it’s you I love
How can you be so blind .
When I asked you to leave, I wanted you to stay
Now am back to where it all began.
Realizing I have not lost what I thought I had
How can you lose something you never had?
Today the clouds turned a shade of grey. The lighting struck, thunder bellowed. And the summoned rain came down hard.
My heart is heavy.
My eyes are tired.
My breath is short.
My throat is tight.
My chest is on fire.
My lips form a perfect smile.
Why does it have to be hard.
If it was meant to be then why is it not working out.
If it’s written then where are the signs
If it’s supposed to be then why is it unbearable.
If everything happens for a reason then when.
When is it going to be right.
When is it going to be easy.
When is it going to be bearable.
Longing for a day
I’ll be free
Like pipit in the wild
And see more beauty
I get goosies when I think about you
You’ve been there for me
Since day one
How would I have been happier?
You give me strength
Love and an understanding
You don’t judge me
For my shortcomings
You hold me when I want to fall
You hug me tighter when I need it the most
Being awake now is worth it
Because I am with my best friend
You are my 3am thought
When you are holding your breath
Trying hard not to blink
Because your world will fall apart
The second you do.
She says it’s going to get better
It’s going to end
It’s just a voice
She sees images that seem real
She dreams of total darkness
She tell herself it’s paranoia
She is okay when they ask
She hear screams
She sees dying souls
She knows it is coming.
She is so rare but
When she visits I get freed
She makes me let go of my guard
and let me
Feel things that I hide from the world
Her whispers calm my demons
As she hugs me close
Reassuring it’s going to be okay
And that she’ll be here until it’s over
My best friend and only true friend
The only one who knows how deep am cut
The only one who never leaves
The only one who has seen my broken spirit
And still says it’s going to be okay and
Someday it will be quiet and I
Will find peace.
It hurts with every breath
My pain is hidden from people I love
I don’t want to be a burden I say
I want to be liberated
I am constantly in my head
I am not strong enough
I have been thinking
A stranger with no conflict of interest
A stranger to liberate my body
This body that doesn’t belong to me.